Late Night Conversations

It has been a rough week. 

(Understatement of the year.)

Two more churches were added to my charge in September, which I love - 

because I love Jesus - but it is all new and I am still trying to figure it out. 

I just had a very hard funeral, and am still muddling my way through grief. 

Chris working a million hours. 

His church just launched a new and exciting ministry. 

We are deep in the home study, with a home inspection Monday. 

I am wrestling with dossier paperwork, 

because I need a notary to follow me everywhere. 

We are about $4k short of our goal, which isn't much, 

but feels a lot right at this moment. 

And my Grandmother died. 

Which sucks. 

(5 Generations - left to right - 

Great-Grandma Bev, Granny, Baby Eden, 

Great-Great-Grandma Memees and Katie)

I mean, it doesn't, because she is in Heaven with Jesus. 

But it does suck. 

And this week I had the honor of spending a handful of precious moments with her. 

Moments where I could hardly breathe because of the heartache. 

Moments where all I could do was laugh.

Moments where all I wanted was for her to die. 

And moments where I begged for her to live. 

(Grandma with Baby Bethany)

It is just life. 

Life.

Which sometimes sucks. 

And the worst part of being a parent is figuring out how to share it with our girls. 

We have been talking about her dying for two weeks-

 that is how long we knew it was happening. 

And we have been talking about it. Our girls have a deep faith, a deep Hope. 

So it was always about how thankful we were that she gets to be with Jesus. 

Conversations with an eight year old and a three year old. 

Rich. Hard. Deep. Thoughtful. 

Which is what happened tonight. 

I tucked them into our big bed and snuggled between them. 

It was selfish, I needed to be near them. 

It was selfish, I needed to be near them. 

To be close. 

They are a wonderful balm for grieving soul. 

And we had a great conversation. 

About Heaven and Hell - and why I wished they would focus more on Heaven.

About babies that grow in my tummy and babies that grow in my heart. 

About our baby sister who is in Heaven. 

We had great confessions. 

That Eden felt like we loved Bethany more when she was born 

and was worried that the same thing would happen when our Haiti baby comes. 

That Bethany has been telling people we are getting two babies. 

We had great snuggles and prayers.

Me: So Eden, you are going to remember that you are precious to me and daddy, 

no matter how many kiddos we have, because you are a gift form God. 

Eden: Yes. 

Me: And Bethy, you are going to stop telling people we are getting two babies form Haiti. 

Bethy: Yes. One at a time. 

Me: No. One. 

Bethy: One now. And one later. 

Me: One baby from Haiti.

Eden: Unless God says something different. 

So blessed for the hard - but precious moments of life. 

Even when life sucks, 

I have been blessed with wonderful gifts God has given us. 

#bethegood   #bishopfamilyadopts   #waitingforONEmore